Some whiny poetic shit that I posted on Livejournal a while ago to fuel my delusions of being an emo teenage boy in 2005. Anyone who knows me irl, if this sounds like it's about you, it's not. It's completely made up... Trust me

To my best friend forever
i miss you. i love you. i see you soon. not for long enough. after that, who knows when i'll be in the same room as you again. as a kid i dreamed of running away with you and making our own life together. but now i know that's a fantasy. reality is, we might never live in the same state again. reality is, i only get your magic through phone calls and 4 days every summer.

we're not together now, but our lives are so intertwined. we grew up together. i hurt you and you hurt me. we taught eachother everything we know. you looked up to me. i wanted to be you (still do). you always had more heart than me. i was the shy one who thought too much. you were the confident one who always said what you were thinking. and i'd be dead without you, if you weren't there just on the other end of the phone, in that long, lonely year after i had to leave you behind. your voice keeping me just on the edge of the abyss.

when i was scared and alone at night, i'd think of those golden days, us playing by the river, curled side-by-side in your attic, up past our bedtimes and rotting our teeth with candy and tall tales. sitting under The Tree, we were soldiers from an ancient kingdom, we needed no one else. we were little menaces. we thought we were the kings of the world, when our world was 4 blocks of cracked sidewalks. the neighbors' cats and the crawdads you fished from stagnant ponds were our subjects.

these days it's different. our own lives, own friends, own worries that don't overlap anymore. i don't call you every day (but i think about you at least every other). i don't tell you everything i'm thinking. but i could, and you would listen. when you don't work and things line up, our late-night meetings interrupted only by poor connections are like a mother's kiss on my scraped knees. when things go wrong and no one else understands me, i know you will. you tell me it's going to be ok and suddenly i believe it will. you always know just what to say. you defend me to a fault because to you i'm worth protecting. you know me better than i know myself. my guardian angel. my best and only friend. separated by so many states but we still live in the same mind after all these years.

when i see you in july i will bathe in your magic for every second of those 4 days. with any luck i'll take some home with me.

Hang in there friends forever
In memory far away

things that remind me of you:

animal jam, warrior cats, fnaf, hot chocolate, scary stories, willow trees, quilts, crawdads, tabby cats, xbox, lighters, coca cola, snow, tomato soup

To someone I didn't really trust
stop telling me i'm gonna save your life. we've never met. you pour your soul out to me at 2 am. say i want to live past 40 so i can annoy you every day. well. at this rate, vincent, you won't see 20. you want to die but not in the suicidal way. youre committing slow suicide but not because you want to die. i think i scared you by talking about death so much. you just want to talk about drugs and guitar and your ex girlfriend (she's the albatross around my shoulders and i'm just the shoulder to cry on. you always take her back). it must be nice to care so little. i'm the one who needs saving.

i think ill drive across the island to see you. im leaving soon. we might as well meet face to face. we can go to that rotting shack in the woods and you can get drunk and i can dissaprove silently. you can read to me from your bible since we were both too lazy to finish it. i doubt either of us will convert by the end of the night. with any luck i'll crash my car on the way home and if god is real he can decide what to do with me then.

To someone who understands me more than she'll ever admit
it was dark today. the water was cold. no one was on the shore but you and i. i will probably never find myself in those waters again. this island is a lonely place, but it's been home for the last 6 years. 6 years of memories i'm leaving behind me like nothing. i threw them out into the wind today as we watched the clouds pass and the reeds sway. you were a good friend. we never really got eachother. polar opposites, but underneath we have the same fundamental flaws. the things that keep you awake at night, that set you just apart from everyone else, are pretty similar to mine. you think i'm crazy. i know you are. after everything i could never feel ashamed around you. i'll miss you.

i've lived on both coasts, but the middle of the country isn't so familiar. i'm hoping i will like it there. you always wished there were more concerts here. there will be no shortage in chicago. i'll think about you every time i'm out in the city, dancing to the music, walking the dimly lit streets, doing everything we can't do here. here there's no parties. no skyscrapers. no bright lights. no staying out late. no distractions. just you and your own soul. being stuck with yourself is a lonely state. you never minded it as much as i do. maybe you're at peace with yourself. i'm sure not.

am i just running away from my problems? maybe. but i'm a fast runner.